How to Write in a Coffee Shop

How to Write in a Coffee Shop
  1. Be extra nice to the staff
  2. If you’re going to be there for longer than 60-90 minutes, go up and buy another drink
  3. Don’t make a mess
  4. You made a mess.  Clean up your mess
  5. Don’t make overly creepy or lengthy eye contact with anyone
  6. If you try to strike up a conversation, be mindful of any hints that might mean ‘fuck off I’m working’
  7. Don’t try to strike up a conversation
  8. If you listen to music, make sure it isn’t disturbing anyone next to you
  9. If the person next to you is listening to disturbing music, spill your drink on her
  10. Actually do work.  If you’re just browsing Facebook, and other people see your screen, they will resent you
  11. If you have to use the restroom, ask the person next to you to watch your stuff
  12. If your restroom trip is going to take longer than two minutes (if you know what I mean), just go home and do it there
  13. Don’t put your bag on the chair next to you
  14. Don’t eat with your mouth open
  15. Don’t slurp
  16. Don’t smell bad
  17. If you get really into a song you’re listening to, bob your head to the beat, but understand that people will think you’re crazy/weird
  18. Don’t brag about how often you write in coffee shops
  19. Try to switch it up sometimes – other places are cool too
  20. Don’t fart, unless it’s to mark your territory as you’re leaving or the person next to you is exceedingly rude
  21. Don’t forget your stuff