I have a confession to make today…
There’s a big secret that I’ve been keeping for the last four months. Something I haven’t told many people outside of my family and a few close friends. It’s something that has changed a core part of me, has made me a bit more self-conscious because I don’t fit in with my peers as well as I used to. It’s also possible that I’m wanted by one or several law enforcement agencies.
Because I betrayed my best friend.
That’s right. I betrayed him and I stabbed him in the back. Then I left him for dead and haven’t seen him since.
Yes, that’s right… most of you have probably guessed it by now.
Four months ago I quit drinking coffee.
**Bomb Dropped Noise**
In reaction to this revelation, some people might say, “This is stupid, Dave! Why would you try to get us all riled up thinking that you murdered someone? It’s just a drink.” To you people I would say, “How DARE you say that coffee is just a drink. Coffee can be anything it damn well wants to be when it grows up.”
For those who have been following me for a little while, or have gone through some of the archives, you know very well how much I used to LOVE coffee. Unfortunately, I fell victim to the ups and downs of caffeine addiction; some days I would have no coffee, some days I would have one cup, some days I would have three (read: five), and on top of all that my pre-workout drink also has 120mg of caffeine. The wild fluctuations in the amount of caffeine I would consume daily led to a lot of headaches, and I was taking Advil almost every day for a while there.
I thought that this was totally fine until one day I was hanging with my friends and they let me know that, “Dude, no, that is TERRIBLE for you.”
So I thought that maybe I’d try quitting coffee cold-turkey for a week to see if my headaches went away, and voila (pronounced ‘voo-eel-ah’) no more headaches. That week was the last time I had a single drop of coffee.
Now if you’re thinking ‘Wow, Dave, great for you, I bet you’re so happy that you don’t have anymore headaches,’ you are, unfortunately, incorrect. If you’re thinking, ‘Wow, that sucks Dave, I bet you wish you never found the reason for your headaches because then you could just combat them with Advil and you’d still be able to drink coffee every day,’ then you’re god damn right I do. But such is life.
I still miss my friend coffee – the smell, the taste, the hiss of the Keurig spitting out subpar brown liquid on weekdays, the mad rush to get coffee from a good cafe across the street on Saturday mornings before the awful caffeine headache set in… it sure did feel good to be a part of something, didn’t it?
So how do I write, still, without coffee?
Honestly, it’s been hard – the only thing that writers love more than coffee is talking about how much we love coffee. So not only do I not have coffee to drink anymore, I can’t even write about drinking it for fear of being exposed as I fraud. I mean, what am I going to do, compose a ballad about GREEN TEA?!?! (Actually I love Green Tea – much less caffeine and super good for you – great replacement for coffee. Pretend I didn’t say anything).
Anyway… yeah. Sorry, Coffee.
My plan was to try a new coffee shop around DC every single week now that I’ve started writing full-time. It would get me out and about – to increasingly more distant parts of the city as the tradition continued. It would give me fresh inspiration, something fun to look forward to, more stuff to post about (I could even give each place my own amateur ratings). Without coffee, though, my plans have changed, and we’ll be doing a fun but awkward tour of DC coffee shops and telling the barista the same thing every time: “I’ll take your finest tea, sir,” and then giving them a score based on how appropriately scathing the looks they give me are.
But so be it! We’ll forge our own path. My very own ‘Tea Tour of DC’s Best Coffee Shops, Which Absolutely Makes Sense,‘ coming right up.